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Giver Taker Book

For Better or Worse, am I in Love with a Giver or a Taker?

Bookstore shelves are full of books about relationships. They teach us where to find love and tell us about women who love too much. We learn how to get someone else to make a commitment and how to get ourselves out of commitments. We learn that men and women are fundamentally different, perhaps even from different planets. Can they all be true?.

In this book, we present a new way to understand human interactions and relationships. We describe not only what people do, we also describe why people do the things that they do. As you read the book, we ask only that you to suspend your old ideas about human behavior and negative emotion and consider a completely new set of principles.

Why should you do this? Why should you believe that what we are now presenting is better than what you might hear someplace else? We believe that you will find the answer in your own experience.

If our descriptions are accurate, you will begin to understand the actions of the people around you. You will not only see your close friends and family described accurately, you will see yourself and your own motivations more clearly as well. You will be able to make accurate predictions about your own behavior and that of people whom you know.

We could be right in our understanding of human behavior, or then again we could be wrong. Your experiences will tell you the answer.

In this book, we share some very basic information about why people do the things that they do. We then build upon this to explain more complex patterns of behavior exhibited by people in their relationships with others. With this information in mind, we discuss ways for you to develop a better understanding and a more realistic set of expectations in your own relationships. Finally, we suggest specific ways to integrate these new views into your own life to help your own negative emotion. We discuss what approaches will work and those that will not work in your relationships.

In this book, we try to draw logical conclusions about human behavior, emotional problem and negative emotion issues. Some may find that our conclusions are not what they would like to hear. Many of those reading this book are looking for ways to get more of what they want from the people around them, and this is not always possible.

We are attempting to explain the truth as we understand it. Those who find that our understanding of human behavior is accurate may have to change their expectations of the people around them. Others may choose not to change. We ask only that you keep an open mind as you explore the phenomena of Givers and Takers.


Have you tried relationship counseling, marital counseling , or couple therapy with no lasting results? This basic understanding of why your spouse acts the way they do can shed new light on every conflict you have in your marriage.

Read an Excerpt From the Book!


The Taker

You may know someone like Sallie. When you met this person, she seemed to be the nicest person you had met in a long time. She might have been incredibly attractive both physically and interpersonally.

Once you were hooked in, she began to change. She became more moody and demanding and maybe even acting like there is an emotional problem. It became more and more difficult to make her happy. You kept trying, though, because you were sure that the nice person you knew in the beginning was still there.

Over time, the anger developed into a cycle. The cycle began whenever the person blew up in a fit of anger. When the rage subsided, she then became cold toward you for a period of days. After that, she would be nice again, and might even have done something special for you.

This person is a Taker. She feels cheated in life, and tries to find happiness by taking power, control, attention, and things in most situations. She may exhibit extreme fits of anger, or she may be just a little moody from time to time. We will talk more about this person in later chapters.

The Giver

Perhaps you have known someone like Jack. He might have been a little difficult to know in the beginning. Your attraction might have been slow to develop, but in time you began to respect his genuine desire to please others.

Imagine that after dinner there are two pieces of pie, one large and one small. Jack will take the smaller one and let you have the bigger one. Jack likes to be the good guy in every situation. He hates to disappoint others. He tries to find happiness by giving power, control, attention, and things to the people around him.

You might find it hard to be close to this person. He seems to have an inner shell. Whenever there is a disagreement, he pulls into this shell in order to avoid the conflict. During arguments, he often says that he just wants to be left alone.

He is an extremely hard worker. He is driven in his work habits and more than willing to work long hours when the boss needs him. Sometimes it seems that his work is his refuge. Whenever there is a conflict, he always finds somewhere to go and something to do.

The person we have described is a Giver. Like the Taker, he is trying to find happiness in the only way that makes sense to him. Most of all, he wants to avoid conflict and negative emotion and always be seen by others as a good guy.

Understanding Our Motives

All of us are motivated to turn off the unpleasant negative emotion in our lives and turn on the pleasant ones. We try to do this through the way that we interact with the people around us. These two styles of interaction are called Giving and Taking. These styles of interaction are the core of everyone's pattern of behavior. They define the ways that people interact in their intimate relationships. By understanding these patterns, we begin to understand the actions of the people closest to us and we begin to understand our own actions as well.

Tired of trying to figure out why the people closest to you do the things that they do when logically it just doesn't make sense? Already tried marital counseling or relationship therapy without long lasting results?

If so, this book could be the answer you're looking forĀ¦